It's amazing how quickly one's life can change, whether for the better or for the worse.
This is a brief summing-up of the last five days at the Tio Household.
23 July 2012 - 10.00 hrs
I was enjoying breakfast with the Little Man when out of the blue, our 'Toyota Vios' (which was recently downgraded from the Toyota Altis that was mentioned in my earlier blog postings) put herself on parking mode, slowly switched on her wipers and uttered those magic words: "Ma'am, can i talk to you?". Though I smelt trouble, I had no inkling of what she was about to say till she said it.
I nearly choked on my hot cup of Milo when continued on to say "Ma'am, can I go home for one week?".
My morning chirpiness immediately evaporated and was replaced with a scowl and an immediate "No, of course not!". I wanted to add on "Are you crazy?" but I thought I'd better just keep my mouth shut. As soon as she heard the word NO, she automatically switched on her wiper and spray to rapid mode and the drama began in fullness.
"My brother called me at 8.30 and said my father do like this to my children (
whilst mimicking the action of someone punching the stomach) .... and said my husband no come home for a month (
she had just spoken to her husband 5 days ago and all had seemed well!! ...she calls home almost weekly, or at the very least every fornightly)...".
Going straight to the point, I shot her three questions. 1. What does your brother expect you to do? You are so far away. 2. Why doesn't he call your husband to tell him about the children (
particularly as she had always said how good, kind and patient her husband is)? 3. Has your brother called the police?
Apparently, she claims her father used to abuse her from childhood to adulthood too.
As I shot her those questions, my gut feeling told me that she was creating those stories to wiggle her way home because if in fact there was a phone call (and she often talks very loud on the phone), the Little Man would have woken up as he is a light sleeper. When I arrived home from sending the Little Genius to kindergarten, the Little Man was still fast asleep. Hence, I did not believe her drama as there had been previous mini-drama episodes before.
When I stayed firm with my answer, she suddenly stood up and continued with her dramatic acting whilst echoing the words, "my head very pain Ma'am...my heart very pain...my caesar operation scar also very pain...I every night go grandma's house and cry at the back...tell Laha very pain...". Her dramatic potrayal of the pain could have won her the Best Razzies award (
that's the Hollywood award presented for worst acting in film)!
A little background information...
We had previously taken her to the doctor's to consult about the headache and chest pains within a few weeks of her arrival (
guess it was all doomed from the beginning!). During that time, I had to watch daytime drama as she would walk very slowly as if in pain, and breath very heavily as if struggling for breath whenever I was in the kitchen area. The doctor assured her that there was nothing wrong with her heart...blood pressure was excellent...appears she had always been suffering from migraines since her teenage years. The doctor told her that her "heart ache" was due to her not sleeping well because she keeps thinking of her children at night and not being able to let go. In fact the doctor even counselled her to
let go and enjoy her time in Malaysia...new country..new things to experience....That worked like a magic potion as she improved days after that.
A couple of weeks after, she asked for a repeat prescription of the headache pills. As she had herself admitted that she had this pre-existing condition from years and years ago, she had to fork out this money herself. Moreoever, we were convinced that it was all part of her drama to declare herself medically unfit so that she can be sent home! Apparently, the maids are told of their rights before leaving home...one of that is that if the maid is declared medically unfit whilst working in Malaysia, the maid's contract may be prematurely terminated and sent home at the employer's costs!
When she discovered that the pills cost RM1 each, she miraculously became migraine-free literally overnight. In fact, I had just asked her about a month ago if she still had her headaches. And she happily told me that she had not had any headaches for a long time now. (
Of course I had been keeping watch of the strip of 10 tablets that I had bought her in early May...up till last Sunday, I noticed there was still 1 pill left).
Just like the boy who cried wolf, Mr T and I were attuned to her "
medical drama".
23 July 2012 - 10.15 hrs
As our Toyota Vios (which had in a matter of minutes rapidly downgraded herself to become a
Tut-tut) continued to put herself in Parking gear, I told her that "I am not stupid...if you go home for a week, I know you will not come back".
The
tut-tut then had the nerve to ask me, "then Ma'am, can I go home and no come back?!".
With my blood boiling whilst still trying to keep it cool in front of the Little Man, I gave her a mini lecture "your contract is for 2 years and you had told the agent and us, that your children will be well taken care of by your mother during your time here. You can't just come out here and try and see if you like it...don't like then say want to go home! (
for more background info, she had never worked before...remember her husband cooked and took care of her boys as babies...her version of cooking was cooking rice and maggi noodles as breakfast for her children before sending them off to school!)". You are already here for more than 4 months...just a year and a half more and you will go home...
I can call Ma'am Justina (i.e. our agent) for you and she will tell you the same thing.
The
tut-tut spontaneously replied, Ok...call Ma'am Justina.
I just gave her my dirtiest look and ended the discussion.
23 July 2012 - 12.50 hrs
As I was feeding the Little Man his lunch, the Little Genius smelling beautifully fresh from her shower after school in her sweet innocence came running (with the
Tut-tut behind her) and said "Mummy, Aunty Lyn (
otherwise known as the Tut-tut) said she...". Then she looked at Aunty Lyn who by that time had moved to stand behind me and must have made some body language that got the Little Genius to say "It's ok...can tell Mummy"...... "Mummy, Aunty Lyn said she wants to die".
I totally flipped! How could she say such things to an innocent 6 year old girl! Not wanting to make it a big deal in front of the Little Genius, I brushed off the comment and totally changed the subject with the Little Genius whilst giving my most evil stare at the
Tut-tut. The Little Genius persisted and asked "Why Aunty Lyn say she want to die?". To quell her curiousity, I just told the Little Genius that Aunty Lyn misses her children very much and she seemed to accept that answer.
A hundred and one thoughts ran wild through my mind. Images of a beserk woman running amok with a parang ran swiftly through my mind. I immediately changed my sitting position to make sure that my back was against the wall so that I could see what the
Tut-tut was up to all the time. I called the agent as soon as I could to update her of the latest drama. The agent spoke to the
Tut-tut and calmed her down by a miniscule dot by saying they will call her sister and brother to try and sort out her family situation.
I noticed that the
Tut-tut hardly ate her lunch but I refused to make a big hoo-ha about it.
23 July 2012 - 15:20 hrs
I called for immediate reinforcements as I could not leave my two babies at home whilst I went out to fetch the 2 older girls home from school. One of Mr T's sister came over to baby-sit whilst I went out. Thanks, SIL, for giving me peace of mind whilst I went on my chauffering duties!
Before leaving home, I counselled the
Tut-tut who by then had appeared to calm down though she was still looking rather dazed. I basically told her that adult problems stay with adults and not to involve innocent children who cannot understand the notion of death. She appeared remorseful and apologised for involving the Little Genius.
I rushed off to school to pick the 2 older girls with a hundred and one thoughts racing through my mind.
23 July 2012 - 18:45 hrs
Mr T returns home and goes straight into a counselling session with the
Tut-tut. She calms down further when Mr T told her that she can use his handphone to call her husband at 22:00. Mr T and I make a quick assessment of the situation. Mr T remembers that a couple of weeks ago, the
Tut-tut had informed Mr T after one of the phonecalls home that her husband queried her on why she was still crying over the phone when she has already been here for four months. The
Tut-tut then added "... husband said you stay there, no come back...". At that time, we had interpreted it as the husband was relieved that her gambling addiction days were over and she was not eating up all his hard-earned money, but instead was learning just how difficult it is to earn money. Perhaps the
Tut-tut interpreted it differently.
23 July 2012 - 19:15 hrs
We head off to Grandma and Grandpa's house for dinner. Our tween and the Little Genius decide to walk there instead of joining us for the short car ride. The
Tut-tut joins them for the short walk. As she walked over to join the girls, her face which had been full of misery the entire day appeared to be suddenly replaced by a smile and I am sure my eyes were not playing tricks on me when I saw her skip over to cross the road to join the girls for the walk. She looked trouble-free.
Having given the extended family an up-to-date on what was happening with our
Tut-tut, dear ol' MIL reassured me that if in fact she had cried or complained to MIL's maid, MIL would be the first to know as her maid is well reknown to share secrets with all willing ears out there!
23 July 2012 - 20:30 hrs
After we finished our dinner, I nipped to the kitchen to check on whether our
Tut-tut had finished her dinner as we were preparing to head home to put our exhausted girls to bed. To my amazement (especially since she only had a teeny bit to eat during lunch), our
Tut-tut was happily digging into the bowl of fried
la-la that PIL had cooked for dinner. It really appeared to be a case of Jekyll and Hyde!
23 July 2012 - 22:00 hrs
Miss Hyde returned into her semi-comatose state as she is unable to reach her husband on the telephone. She called numerous times but there was no answer. I avoided her the entire night and slept with our bedroom door ajar so that I could hear if the
Tut-tut creeped up the stairs and opened the child-safe door on the stairs.... my wild imagination causes me to have a restless, sleepness night.
24 July 2012 - 07:30 hrs
As I was waking up the Little Genius from her beauty sleep to get her ready for kindergarten, Mr T suddenly appeared at the door. He unexpectedly returned home after sending the 2 older girls to school as he did not have a good feeling about our
Tut-tut who looked totally out of it when he saw her early in the morning. She was in a total daze, with a zonked out look. She told Mr T not to buy anymore phone cards as she did not want to call her husband anymore.
24 July 2012 - 10:00 hrs
Mr T asked the
Tut-tut to eat her breakfast as we were going to bring her to the agent's office. She told Mr T she was not hungry. It was one of those rare occasions that Mr T lost his temper with the
Tut-tut as her told her that he was not asking her to eat the bread, but telling her to do so! She appeared to struggle through that one slice of bread.
We bundled the Little Man and our
Tut-tut into the car and made our way to the agent's office. Mr T and I filled our agent with all the details of the drama show put on by our
Tut-tut. Our very experienced agent (we have been using her since 2007 and she is pretty good) informed us that the choice is ours as to whether we accede to our request to return home. Before we made our decision, we asked our agent to speak to the
Tut-tut and give us her assessment as to whether the situation was worth salvaging.
By noon, the agent was still drilling the
Tut-tut; Mr T noticed that her staff had suddenly put on some Cantonese music to help drown out all the shouting. We could hear our agent talking to her Phillipine counterpart who was also counselling the
Tut-tut.
Our agent who is a real
chilli padi, emerged from the counselling session with a fed-up look and told us it would be best to let the
Tut-tut go. None of us wanted to have to go through all this drama again should she continue to stay on and "recover" only to have a recurrence of this entire saga at a later date. Moreover, our agent told us as the
Tut-tut has been working for us for less than 6 months, she would give us a replacement maid of our choice though we would have to fork our for some minimal fees, with some other fees being absorbed by the agent.
Having gone through all the drama in the last 7 months, I told Mr T that given the choice I would rather not have any more live-in maids. I'd just have to ship the Little Man off to play school for a few hours every morning, giving me enough time to clean the house and prepare lunch. But alas, he is still too young and we admittedly still do need assistance for now, to keep the house spick and span. Otherwise, I may just go insane without any ME time and feeling hassled all day long trying to complete all the household chores on time, prepare an appetising lunch on time, pick the Little Genius on time and still have enough energy to ensure quality time with the kids AND hubby, be it reading or baking muffins and cakes, etc. As it is now, even my shower time often gets rudely interrupted by someone barging in unannounced into the bathroom to update me with whose fighting with who over what.
In the last 4 months since we had the
Tut-tut, the Little Man has become quite a book-worm and his vocabulary has multipied at an unbelievable rate. The Little Genius has also become quite an advanced reader and can write pretty decent letters to her Po-Po in Singapore. I would like to keep all that momentum up and to do so, I do need help.
24 July 2012 - 12:30 hrs
Before leaving the agent's office to pick the Little Genius from kindie, we asked our agent for biodatas of Filipino maids, with a strict preference for single ladies with no children. Of course, we know that with single maids, you have a different set of problems. There is no ideal situation ... we can only keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best.
We leave the
Tut-tut with the agent as they have to sort out various paper-work with her.
24 July 2012 - 15:00 hrs
Just as I am about to tuck in the two kiddies for their afternoon nap, I receive a call from Mr T who had earlier left to pick up the
Tut-tut from the agent's office. The agent had arranged for a video call for us to have a look at the two potential Filipino maids that they have ready for employment in Phillipines. Mr T makes a U-turn and comes to pick us up. The two kiddies are thrilled to escape their afternoon nap for an adventure out!
The video streaming is not clear; the visuals are okay-ish but the audio is pretty bad. It was more a chance for us to check them out, rather than to conduct any sort of interview. We decide to go for the single lady, as opposed to the single mother of a 5-year old girl. Apparently, these two are the best biodata that they have at the moment. Fingers crossed.
As for the
Tut-tut, the agent informs her that her she will try and get the earliest flight home for her. The
Tut-tut is well aware that she would have to fork out the costs of her entire journey home by herself as she is leaving prematurely at her own request. In fact, she had already worked out that she had enough savings (over RM700) to bear the costs home. She had already planned it all out. The agent then asks the
Tut-tut if she wants to stay at the agent's office whilst waiting for her flight home, or to return to her dungeon where she can still work and earn a few days' salary whilst waiting for THE day. The
Tut-tut chooses to return to her dungeon.
Mr T resigns to the fact that this is the only maid of ours, and of our extended family's, who has really got what she wanted.
24 July 2012 - 16:00 hrs
We bring the
Tut-tut home and give her a string of chores to do, to fill up her empty mind and soul. As for me, it was pay-back time as she had disrupted our entire day. As she was mopping the floor, I just had to get it out of my system that "you have caused nothing but problems for everyone"!. With just those exact words, the
Tut-tut acts out another drama as she slowly immerses the mop-cloth into the bucket of water ...... gradually brings it up to her chest level ...... and wrings the cloth in super... slowwww...motion thus allowing the water to go drip ... drip ... drip ... into the bucket 3 feet below... whilst her expressionless face stares into space. I pretended I could see no evil nor hear no evil and just walked straight out of the kitchen, totally gobsmacked at the continuing drama.
Unbeknown to me, Mr T had earlier told her off for wasting everyone's time and said something along the lines of "now that you have got what you wanted, you better complete all your work properly. It was one of those rare moments when Mr T actually momentarily loses his cool with the
Tut-tut.
We then rush off with the two younger kids in tow to fetch the two older kids from school. Had to reschedule our tween's tuition a little later as we were running late. Total chaos.
24 July 2012 - 17:15 hrs
As we arrive home, the agent called to inform that her office has managed to get a flight home for the
Tut-tut on 27 July at 6.00 a.m.; hence, we had to drop the
Tut-tut back at the distribution centre (
a.k.a. the agent's office) by noon on 26 July 2012. The agent then spoke to the
Tut-tut, telling her that they have managed to get her a ticket on 1 August as that is the earliest, available flight. Perhaps realising that she was not going to have an easy few days with us, the
Tut-tut starts sobbing and tells the agent that she now wants to go back to the agent's office to stay until her flight home. Amidst the chaos and pretending not to notice the latest drama, we rush off to send the Whining Queen to her piano class leaving the agent to deal with the
Tut-tut's latest drama over the phone.
The agent subsequently informed Mr T that she reprimanded the
Tut-tut, telling her that we were actually doing her a favour by providing her with a roof over her head whilst waiting for her flight home! The
Tut-tut bucks up a little
.
25 July 2012
Whilst I was quietly having my breakfast (i was relieved of my school chauffering duties as we didn't dare leave the
Tut-tut alone with any of the younger kiddies) and treasuring the time when there was still someone else to do all the washing and cleaning, the
Tut-tut asks me in a rather faint voice if she could have some of my gastric medicine. That led me to give her a spontaneous lecture on how she creates problems for herself and others around her as I had on numerous occasions prior to this, advised her on the importance of eating regular meals and never letting the stomach go hungry ... lest she wants to suffer from incapacitating gastric attackes like I unfortunately do. I reminded her on her initial refusal to eat the bread that Mr T asked her to eat the day before, and how she then only went on to have one small slice of bread...as well as her literally deciding to skip lunch as part of the drama on Monday. I gave her the gastric medicine with instructions on when & how to eat it and never asked her again on whether her gastric was better.
The amount of work that the
Tut-tut did today was equivalent to more than an entire week's chores!
Sweep, mop, wash all bathrooms...the garage, the back-yard, clean the fans, wash the curtains in the living room and master bedroom...as well as wipe the curtain rail and clean the windowpanes. No more drama...just sweat and toil as she counted down her last seven days.
Just before the girls' bedtime, we called for a family meeting with the girls as well as the
Tut-tut in attendance
. We informed
the girls that the
Tut-tut had asked to return home to Phillipines as she missed her children very much and was very sad to be apart from them. Despite my anger and utter frustration at the entire situation, I believe we chaired the meeting rather diplomatically. We wanted to give the girls a chance to say goodbye to the
Tut-tut properly. The
Tut-tut just stood quiely at the sidelines, with tears streaming down her cheeks. Not sure whether those were crocodile tears, or tears of joy (
is my sarcasm ringing through?). The Little Genius
shed a few tears, followed by the Whining Queen. Mr T and I dispersed from the meeting, leaving the two younger girls to give the
Tut-tut a hug before they went up to bed. The Little Genius later reported to me that the
Tut-tut did not say a single word to them but just leaned against the wall, with her continuing display of waterworks.
During our little family meeting, the Little Man continued wandering in, out and around the meeting room, seemingly oblivious to what was going on. He was on model behaviour, occupying himself with his own singing & role-play (
i.e. pretending to be the roti-man and the gas-man).
26 July 2012
As the
Tut-tut was finishing up with her last sweep and mop of her dungeons, I asked MIL to come over to help me pack the
Tut-tut's belongings
. The
Tut-tut may have suspected that today was THE day, as before Mr T left for work, he asked the
Tut-tut to take down her luggage as he wanted to check it. What more with MIL's unusual presence at our home in the morning. As I went to look for the
Tut-tut as soon as she finished mopping the floor to ask her to shower, I found her automatically getting her towel and change of clothes from her shelves before I even opened my mouth.
MIL and I then proceed to pack the
Tut-tut's bag in her presence. There was not much to pack as most of her earnings were spent on i-TALK phone cards. I then told the Little Man that Aunty Lyn was going home to the Phillipines. To my utter surprise, the Little Man replied "Ohh ... Aunty Lyn going home ... see children right, Mummy?". I was left dumbfounded and speechless by the Little Man! Unbeknown to any of us, the 30 month old Little Man had been a passive participant of the family meeting the night before!
As we were about to leave the house, MIL must have said some touching words to the
Tut-tut as her mini waterworks began flowing. The Little Man then swayed towards the
Tut-tut, in his little samseng way. As the
Tut-tut happened to be kneeling down at that moment to zip up her bag, the Little Man suddenly reached his little fingers towards her, wiped away her tears from her cheeks, and comforted the
Tut-tut with the words "don't cry, Aunty Lyn...ok?....don't cry...Ching Tom love Aunty Lyn, ok?". To see my BIG Little Man do that really touched my heart.
26 July 2012 - 13:00hrs
As my car approached the distribution centre, I thought I'd give the
Tut-tut a chance to say her good-byes to us, in particular the Little Man. I told the Little Man to say good bye to the
Tut-tut "as Aunty Lyn is going home, far far away". There was no response from the
Tut-tut. None whatsoever. No words of good-bye, nor a flying kiss, hug or even a gentle stroke on the Little Man's loveable face from the
Tut-tut . Instead, the
Tut-tut just alighted from the car, went around to the boot where I was standing, carried her luggage out and walked straight towards the agent. I did not receive a word of thanks, not even a smile nor a nod as a thank you gesture. The
Tut-tut did not even ask to convey her thanks or goodbye to Mr T (who treated her really well!) nor to the three princesses. I pretended to take no notice and continued talking to the agent before hopping back into my car and driving off to greener pastures with MIL and the BIG Little Man.
26 July 2012 - 14:30hrs
PIL (
otherwise known as Papa-in-law) cooks a simple lunch for us at his place. After lunch, the Little Genius (who PIL helped pick up from kindie), the Little Man and I return home. As soon as we enter our home, the Little Man said to me "Aunty Lyn go home d right ... see children right, Mummy?". With a little pat on the Little Man's head, I said "yes, that's right. So you and Jie-Jie must help Mummy and Daddy okay?". And with that, I send the two precious little ones up for their afternoon nap and hurriedly begin to fold and iron the clean laundry as they nap.
It has been a long, long week.
Little did we know that when we started the new week early on Monday morning, that we would be returning our Toyota Vios back to the assembly line by the end of the week and begin our wait for a new one. Despite everyone's advice and counsel, I guess the
Tut-tut just could not let go of her homesickness and concentrate on the here and now. I'd like to think of our home as a very happy and noisy home with lots of going-ons ... lots of distractions .... where time flies and happiness abound.
I continue to be ever so thankful for my extended support network, especially my parents-in-law who have volunteered to help out with the chauffeuring duties early in the morning so that the Little Man can have uninterrupted sleep in the morning as well as his afternoon nap, as well as my SILs, (
a.k.a. Mr T's sisters) who have been helping out with babysitting duties.
With all our fingers and toes crossed, we are hoping to be proud "owners" of a far more superior Toyota model in a couple of months' time. In the meantime, it is it is going to be an exhausting and challenging two months ahead as it is back to a one-woman show at the domestic front from 7.00 a.m. to 7.00 p.m. every weekday as I struggle with juggling to provide cleaning services, cooking services, laundry services, grocery/marketing services, chauffering services, tutoring services, as well as being a playmate to a 2 year old and a 6 year old WHILST still trying to be a pleasant, cheerful and patient mother and wife. I look forward to the evenings as that is when SuperDad returns home and I have reinforcements to help me out as my batteries sometimes run dry by nightfall.
Wish me luck!
~ Jottings from the Heart
by an exhausted Mother of Four who is ever so thankful to be blessed with a very hands-on husband, a super supportive extended family AND four little kiddos who have been volunteering their services whenever their time and energy permit ... be it sweeping the floor, washing & drying the dishes, hanging and folding laundry. And thank you to you too, for bothering to read through my ramblings right until the last full-stop.
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