Tio's Little Ones: The Little Menace and The Joker!

The Little Man has a new name. The moniker Little Menace fits him perfectly.

He really is one non-stop action three year old boy from the moment he wakes up till the moment he is forced to go to Dreamland to recharge and re-energise! He is forever prancing around up and down the sofa, weaving in and out of furniture, head banging up and down and his voice box going "tong-chiang, tong-chiang"... as he lives out his current dream of being the latest recruit of the Lion Dance troupe. He idolises everything about the Lion Dance [which the Little Man affectionately calls the Tong-Tong-Chiang]. He has watched the Lion Dance 2012 World Competition CD a zillion times...he can even tell you when the Lion is going to fall from the poles and get back up on their feet again. He'll grab any towel that he can find and place it on top of his head and over his back to mimic the Lion troupe before he starts prancing around the house and up and down the sofa, which obviously makes his poor Mummy's heart miss a couple of beats! If he only knew that those Lions' Heads can be bought from Chinatown, he would surely place it on top of his birthday present list! That would result in total havoc at home, as if our home was not noisy & chaotic enough!

Baby Samseng at 13 months

Aside from the Tong-Tong-Chiang, his other passion is mimicking the actions of his favourite contestants in the popular Japanese sports entertainment program "Ninja Warrior" (or Sasuke) where competitors have to complete an extremely challenging four stage obstacle course. All the furniture in our house is somehow visualised and transformed into the many obstacles of the Ninja Warrior obstacle course in the eyes of the Little Menace! Just like in the show, he would bounce off the small indoor trampoline and jump onto the back of sofa and then climb over the cushions to get over the sofa. Except that unlike in the show when the audiences going ooh and aah... and applauding in encouraging the participants, the scene here in KL is different as this little warrior's mother would be screaming her lungs out to "be careful...stop before you hurt yourself ..." His many bruises on his legs are proof of his determination to get through those "obstacles" just like his heroes. The Little Menace has on many occasions proudly told me that "When I big boy, I going to go Ninja Warrior, ok Mummy? I won't fall down in the water, one!"

For those who have never watched Ninja Warrior, tune in to Astro Channel 617 at 1.30...that is his treat for finishing his lunch fast. [Alternatively, click onto www.youtube.com/watch?v=oco3lPfokaU&feature=youtube_gdata_player]. Apart from watching his Lion Dance CD and the National Geographic Wild channel, Ninja Warrior is one of the only other programmes that the Little Menace is allowed to watch. Mr T does not agree, but then he has not really watched the entire program to see how exciting and addictive it can be.

Cheeky Me
(26 months)

My Crinkled Nose
(26 months)

The Ninja Warrior Addict
Performing his Balancing Act

The Little Menace seems to have an answer to everything. Of late, he is getting rather quick witted with his one-liners! Judge for yourself and let me have your vote if you think the Little Menace deserves his moniker, or would the term Joker be more fitting?!

ACT #1:

Looks can be so, so deceiving!
(at 28 months)

As always, his Loyal Slave has to pretend to snooze with the Little Menace when it comes to his Highness' afternoon nap. He would toss here and there, kick around his cot and make lots of noises just to test his Loyal Slave's patience level. His Loyal Slave has a track record for low tolerance level for nonsense, impatience and quick temperedness. Many a day, I would have to give a little smack on his bottom, or raise my voice, before the Little Menance would realise just how tired he really is, after a hard morning of playing, be it at home or at his playschool. Recently, those little smacks have got harder and harder, and sadly yes, the cane has made quite a few appearances of late.

Sometime last week, the Little Menace once again came up with his tricks. Whilst trying to keep my cool, I calmly said, "Do you think you can please just close your eyes and sleep without Mummy having to scold you to sleep?". The response that the Little Menace's alter ego, The Joker, shot back with his cheekiest look was: "CANNOT! I want everybody to scold me, Mummy, Daddy, everybody to scold me, then only I sleep!!"

ACT#2:

Come...I kiss you...
(at 30 months)

Knowing how enticing and tempting one's own bed can be and to prevent my eye-lids from experiencing an involuntary shutdown, I would often bring my handphone with me to bed in the afternoon and hide it beside my bolster from those prying young eyes and position myself on the bed in such a way that it would look like I was sleeping but actually the corners of my eyes were straining itself to have a quick read of the world news and of course, my daily dose of Hollywood gossip. Needless to say, I was caught red-handed a few times. I was too engrossed with my reading to realise that a little boy had slowly creeped up from his cot and saw me rendezvousing with the little gadget!

Fast forward to one recent afternoon, when instead of the Little Menace commanding me to "CLOSE YOUR EYES, MUMMY", he very cheekily said with his most bewildered look: "Eh, Mummy....where is your handphone?!", knowing very well that my handphone was most likely stucked somewhere under my bolster.

ACT#3:

Born Joker!
(at 30 months)

One hot, sweltering night, I came out of the shower dressed
in my pyjamas shorts and a spaghetti-strapped t-shirt. As I sat at the edge of my bed, the sneeky Joker scrutinised me from my head to my mid-section and whilst slipping his little fingers to do a quick check under the straps of my t-shirt, he exclaimed: "Eh, Mummy! Why you not wearing bra, one?!".
here's the making of a young Casanova.

ACT#4:
On another afternoon, The Joker started crawling on all fours in our bathroom ......
The Loyal Slave: "Please get up and stop crawling on the bathroom floor. Are you a dog?
The Joker retorted back with just ONE word: "WOOF!"
The Loyal Slave could not help but break out in a smile and a giggle under the comforts of her towel which was quickly placed over her face.

ACT#5:

The Joker with his Enlarged Nostrils!
(at 40 months)

In the past, there have been certain external parties referring to the Little Man's boyhood as "Ku-Ku-Bird" when talking to the Little Man. I have never understood why people call it Ku-Ku-Bird, which is a direct translation from the Hokkien name ("ku-ku-chiau") for that organ [I have never understood the origins of the word ku-ku-chiau either!]. So began my constant educating the Little Man that IT is not called Ku-Ku-Bird and "NO, there is no bird between your legs!"

I knew he had passed the grade as I was changing him one day after his shower as he proudly announced "This one [while pointing to that all important male organ] not Ku-ku-bird, right? Bird fly outside right? This one "ku-ku-chiau.". That all important announcement that he made was greeted with thunderous applause and a round of laughter from his proud Mum. This proud Mother is pleased to note that since then, The Little Man has not made any further mention of the phrase "Ku-Ku-Bird".

ACT#6:
During one of my intelligent chit-chats with the Little Man as I was changing him after his shower one afternoon, he raised the all important question..."Mummy is a girl right? And Jing Fong is a boy.".
To make it clear to him, I then replied "Yes, that's right. Only girls put lipstick, boys don't. Girls have long hair, boys have short hair."
The Little Man became rather defensive and quickly retorted back: "No, mummy has short hair. Mummy is a girl. Right?"
My mistake.
I quickly calmed the Little Man with a big hug and an even bigger kiss.

I'm Sulking

Kiss Me Quick!

Okay...I'm happy again!

The Joker has the Last Laugh!
(April 2013)

ACT#7:

On one of the many school day mornings when the Loyal Slave had to drag the Little Man out of bed and hurry him through his usual morning routine before going to school, it was The Joker who greeted her!
The Loyal Slave: "Do you want to eat hard-boiled egg for your breakfast?"
The Joker merely nodded.
The Loyal Slave: "If you want, say "Yes, I want to eat egg", or "Yes, Mummy". Don't just nod your head like that."
The Joker retorted back with his ultimate one liner:
"Yes, Humpty Dumpty!!!!"
The Loyal Slave had little choice but to break out in a spontaneous laughter!

The Little Botak and his Polo
(May 2013)

ACT#8:
To date, I have been informed by the teachers and members of staff of his playschool that over 6 of them have been queried by the Joker each time they fail to respond to his early morning greetings. Sometimes when the Little Joker greets them upon reaching school, the teachers are busy or distracted, can't hear him or just inadvertently forget to respond to him. When that happens, the Little Joker with his 39 months of wisdom and all 88cm of him would apparently file his complain to the relevant teacher/staff by asking: "Why you never say Good Morning and High-Five to me today?"

His teachers and staff at his playschool have now learnt to be on high alert when The Joker arrives at school for his good morning rounds!

ACT#9:

Dr Menace
(at 33 months)

Recently whilst I was sending Princess No. 3 to her art class with the Little Man in tow, the Little Man asked for some water which I promptly got for him from the water cooler station at the Music cum Art school. I warned the Little Man not to touch the water outlet with the red button so as not to scald his finger as the water there would be very hot . With that wise piece of advice, I went off to talk to the art teacher leaving the Little Man to drink his cup of water there.

A couple of minutes later, the Little Man walks over to the other end of the corridor where I was talking to the art teacher, still happily holding on to his cup of water. As soon as I had finished talking to the teacher and said goodbye to Princess No. 3, the Little Man gave me a very smug look and in his softest yet audible voice, he says "Hmmm.....the water so nice and cold!". Sensing something amiss, I immediately took a sip of the water .... it was ICE COLD!!!

I immediately questioned the Little Man, "I thought I told you not to touch the buttons for the water?!"

My politically correct Joker calmly replied, "No, Mummy said cannot touch the red button. I only touch the blue button!!".

I SURRENDER!!!

ACT#10:
This Little Joker has a really sharp mind as well as ears. I have been trying to teach him good manners and to speak proper English over the months. For example, it is a BIG NO-NO to say "Nah!" when you want to pass something to someone. The proper way is to say "There you go" and gently pass the thing over to that other person. He has been so good at it, that he has even been correcting his Grand Ma everytime she uses the offending word "NAH!". Another example of Manglish that too many of us use is "Wait, ah!". I am proud to say that the Little Joker has been well trained to say "Please wait". Of late, the Little Joker has been telling me "It's not 'Please wait', Mummy. You must say 'Please wait, Darling', ok?".

**STARS** all over

Here comes the ultimate one.
How many of us are guilty of saying "Neh-mind" instead of "NEVERMIND"?
Ever since teaching the Little Joker that there is no such word as "Neh-mind", the Little Joker has made it his mission in life to point out and correct anyone and everyone (including his teachers!) who uses the word "Neh-mind". I only had to teach him once before his brain registered it. Unfortunately, old habits die hard for some of us, including his Loyal Slave. So everytime the word "Neh-mind" accidentally comes out from my mouth even if I am talking to someone else, the Little Joker will somehow be able to catch me using it and come over to give me a little slap on my hand whilst reprimanding me "Hor, Mummy! You said "Neh-mind"!". Of course, the Loyal Slave is rather intelligent herself! So to save face, she convinces the Little Joker that she really did say NEVERMIND but that she said it so fast that it sounded like Neh-Mind! It is the truth. REALLY.

He has caught his Big Sister, his Daddy and his teachers saying "Neh-mind" and he has even faulted the Radio DJs. We were listening to Richard and Sarah on the Lite Breakfast show on the way to school this morning when Richard was relating a story and he used the offending word "Neh-mind". Before I even realised it myself, the Little Joker had already highlighted it to me "Mummy, the Uncle said "Neh-mind", but the Aunty very good...she didn't say "Neh-mind"!!"