[Editor's note: This post is related to the earlier posting entitled 'Back to the Pressure-Cooker']
I finally succeeded in my long, protracted negotiations with Mr T and he agreed to offer me employment albeit at a much lower pay and very high KPIs. My new employer had forewarned that bonu$e$ in monetary form are very limited. Instead, the bonuses would come under various forms including unlimited hugs from big arms as well as 4 pairs of little arms, unlimited kisses from cute little mouths at intermittent periods throughtout the day.
Other forms of rewards include stealing time away from the Little People for Couplehood time, be it for a simple McSundae, or dinner-for-two, or movie-night [now, this one...it's been a little tough to get going. Mr and I have been struggling to get ourselves to the cinema for some time now...the last movie we watched at the Cinema was Wolverine! And that was after much struggle too!]
Basic pay is at a bare minimum. Increments are not discussed. All dependent on achieving the KPIs. Regular performance review would, of course, be held.
The highly-challenging, non-exhaustive, job description includes:
1. full-time taxi-driver to 4 little passengers on a 24/7 basis - punctuality is mandatory;
2. teacher;
3. disciplinarian;
4. part-time chef & kitchen supervisor - this involves changing the daily lunch menu and ensuring the kitchen is well-stocked;
5. fruit-juice bar operator;
6. operator and producer of milk-factory production centre, catering for a single, exclusive client on a 24/7 basis;
and most importantly,
7. nurturer, friend and confidant to the all-important Little People.
The job satisfaction and the rewards are multiple and priceless.
The opportunity is Once in a Lifetime.
The Little People will only be Little People for a few years.
As Mr T always reminds me, blink your eyes too many times and you would miss out on their childhood. Their learning years. Their formative years.
Now the chattering and the story-telling are non-stop, especially for the Whining Queen and Ms Chatterbox. Their batteries just never run out.
It's a time to treasure before the Rebellious Years evolve.
Though I knew that this is something I had always wanted to do, to be, actually doing it, and giving up full-time employment outside of home was not an easy decision to make, though one may have thought otherwise. As my family and friends would know, i am not an ambitious career person. I work so that we have a bigger pocket to dig in, to treat ourselves to fun-and-love-filled holidays, to treat ourselves to the occasional shopping extravaganza, to save for the kids' education fund, to help pay-off my little car. Mr T had done all the calculations and budgeting and had reassured that we would be able to get-by.
The decision was ulimately mine to make.
It would be a major lifestyle change.
That trip to Disneyland Hong Kong would just have to wait for a great many more years.
To give up financial independence and to revert to my primary job on a full-time basis meant that i could not afford any slip-ups. This is a job that cannot afford any major mistakes.
Aside from giving up financial independence, there would also be the constant threat that i may end up losing my own identity.
I would end up having even less personal ME time.
I had a few pep talks with some of my office colleagues; one particular colleague gave me a very good fatherly talk which i appreciated. He stressed that having your own personal ME time was essential to excelling at one's job as a mother and as a wife.
Ultimately, my decision was made easier as my hours at the office became longer, the work pressures had become overwhelming and the job-expectations unreasonable. To me, anyway.
Perhaps the lack of sleep, the lack of ME time, the pressures of breast-feeding ... which i know is great and am enormously thankful for, but it does take a lot of time-commitment from the mother as there isn't much you can do when there is a baby stuck to your factory-outlet.
Even when expressing, you just have to drop your work, your train-of-thoughts, and focus on the factory-production as it is not a process that you can rush through...otherwise, at most, you'll get just a little more than a couple of drops. And then, you get stressed out over not having enough milk for baby, then the guilt sets in and you lose focus....and your efficiently levels fall and the workload builds up and the boss screams at you......it just never ends.
Juggling the three jobs (that is, motherhood, office work and milk-factory production centre) became a daily struggle. Grey strands of hair began sprouting on my scalp. Not something i expected to have before i reached the big FOUR-ZERO.
Even after i made my decision, i questioned myself again and again especially when i receive remarks like "Wah...you crazy ah?"; "Mad,ah? Take care of kids?"; "What a waste...what a waste..."; "You got maid, wat. Why you want to stay home"; "Are you sure?"....
Can one ever be sure?
One thing i am sure of, is that being a parent and raising a happy and successful family is the most important job one can have.
Yes, I am blessed with J, who takes great care of my children and our home. She keeps the house-in-order and ensures we have clean clothes to wear. She is blessed with a pair of capable hands and strong shoulders to keep up with her job.
So wish me luck as i take the ultimate jump from the Pressure Cooker into the unknown.
~ Written from the Heart
by a blessed Stay-at-Home Mum.
